★ OFFICIAL SPONSORS: BIG TOWEL™ · SACRAMENTO'S PREMIER BIRTHDAY AUTHORITY · BAGLE ENTERPRISES INC. · THE CORONADO BLVD POOL ASSOCIATION · COCKRING MERCH LLC · CHUNG KING SAYS "HAVE FUN" · POOL NOODLE DIRECT · ZAK IS NOT HERE™ · THE FRIENDS & FAMILY COUNCIL · BRING YOUR OWN HUNGER™ · ★ OFFICIAL SPONSORS: BIG TOWEL™ · SACRAMENTO'S PREMIER BIRTHDAY AUTHORITY · BAGLE ENTERPRISES INC. · THE CORONADO BLVD POOL ASSOCIATION · COCKRING MERCH LLC · CHUNG KING SAYS "HAVE FUN" · POOL NOODLE DIRECT · ZAK IS NOT HERE™ · THE FRIENDS & FAMILY COUNCIL · BRING YOUR OWN HUNGER™ ·

★ OFFICIALLY SANCTIONED BY THE SACRAMENTO CREW ★

CHOWIN'
IT DOWN.

THE ZAK BIRTHDAY BASH — JULY 4TH

1:00 PM · 721 CORONADO BLVD · BRING A SWIMSUIT, TOWEL & HUNGER

--DAYS
--HOURS
--MINUTES
--SECONDS

SATURDAY IN THE PARK. I THINK IT WAS ZAK'S BIRTHDAY.

I'M IN. I'M CREW. SEE THE SETLIST
X TOWEL EDGE X X FOOD POSITIVE X X NO GIFTS EVER X

IMPORTANT NOTICE FROM THE ORGANIZING COMMITTEE: ZAK WILL NOT BE IN ATTENDANCE AT HIS OWN BIRTHDAY PARTY. This is not a mistake. This is not a misprint. ZAK, drummer of COCKRING, exists on a plane that transcends conventional event attendance. Like all true legends, he is celebrated most powerfully in his absence. His spirit will be everywhere. His drums will echo in your hearts. His dog BAGLE may or may not be present. We are working on it.

— The ZakBash Committee, acting in full accordance with his wishes

THE OFFICIAL SCHEDULE

THE SETLIST

All times are law. Violators will be judged. (Not by Zak. He's not here.)

1:00 PM
GATES OPEN — THE CREW ASSEMBLES
The 721 Coronado Blvd compound opens its doors. Walk in with purpose. If you don't have purpose, borrow some from someone who does. Introduce yourself to BAGLE immediately. This is mandatory and non-negotiable.
MANDATORY
1:01 PM
POOL ACCESS GRANTED — "THE STORM"
The pool opens one minute after the gates. This is intentional. Have your towel in hand. You were told on the flyer. You were told on this website. You were told right now. No towel, no sympathy, no exceptions.
BRING YOUR TOWEL
2:00 PM
CHOW DOWN COMMENCES — "FED UP (OF NOT EATING)"
Food service begins. Every dietary restriction accommodated. Gluten-free? Handled. Vegan? Handled. Carnivore? Handled. We are not a movement that excludes. We are a movement that eats. Beverages for all. No one goes thirsty on this crew.
ALL DIETARY NEEDS WELCOME
~4:00 PM
THE LITTLE ONES TAKE THE PIT
Kids are explicitly invited and actively encouraged to bring chaos. The yard will be surrendered to them at approximately this time. This is their show now. It was always going to be their show. Watch your knees.
FAMILY FRIENDLY
SUNDOWN
AMERICA CELEBRATES ZAK — "THE FOURTH"
Every year, on this exact date, an entire nation detonates fireworks in Zak's honor. Most of them don't know this. But we know. We always knew. Happy Fourth of July. Happy Birthday, Zak. You absolute legend. You aren't even here.
ANNUAL NATIONAL TRADITION
ALL NIGHT
OPEN HOUSE CONTINUES — "WHERE IT WENT"
This is not a venue. There is no promoter-mandated curfew. The open house extends into the evening for as long as the crew remains. Leave when you must. We will understand. We will not forget. But we will understand.
OPEN INVITATION

THE SACRED RULES

THE CREW CODE

"In my way? No. In the pool? Absolutely." — Unofficial ZakBash Motto, Est. This Year

01
TOWEL EDGE IS REAL
You will bring a towel. You will not borrow a towel. You will not "just drip dry." We have drawn the X on our hands in sunscreen. Towel Edge is a lifestyle commitment. You made it the moment you read the flyer. Honor it.
02
GIFTS CAN SUCK IT
Zak does not want your gifts. He transcends the material world. He is a drummer — drummers need only sticks, a kit, and the loyalty of the crew. Gifts will be turned away at the gate by BAGLE, who has been briefed on this policy.
03
THE LITTLE ONES ARE CREW
Your kids are welcome. Your kids are crew. They will swim. They will eat. They will experience ZakBash at a formative age. This shapes who they become. The next generation of the Sacramento crew starts here, in this backyard, on the Fourth.
04
ARRIVE HUNGRY
Do not eat before this party. Come starving. To arrive full is to disrespect the table. Food will meet every dietary need you have ever had or imagined having. Bring your hunger. It is the only gift we accept.
05
RESPECT THE DOG
BAGLE is the only official registered representative of Zak who will be physically present. When you pet BAGLE, you are, in a very real and legally non-binding sense, shaking Zak's hand. Act accordingly. BAGLE is also not a pastry.
06
OPEN HOUSE, OPEN HEART
This is an open invitation. If you heard about this party from someone who heard about it from someone, you are welcome. The crew expands. The crew includes you. Come in. There is food. There is a pool. Zak is not here. It's still great.
07
BEVERAGES FLOW FOR ALL
Unlike certain New York hardcore legends who shall remain nameless, we are not here to police lifestyle choices. Beverages of all varieties will be available. ZakBash does not judge what's in your cup. ZakBash provides. That's the whole thing.
08
ZAK IS EVERYWHERE
ZAK IS NOT IN ATTENDANCE. But Zak is in every splash in the pool. In every bite. In every drumbeat pulsing through your consciousness as you stand in a backyard in Sacramento in July. He is there. He is not there. He is there.

OFFICIAL DELEGATION

BAGLE

The Dog. The Legend. Zak's Only Registered On-Site Representative.

VIP ACCESS — ALL AREAS — ALL TIMES

BAGLE has been fully briefed on the event schedule. BAGLE accepts pets, belly rubs, and general affection in lieu of Zak's physical presence. BAGLE will not accept gifts. BAGLE will not be explaining the name. This has been a source of ongoing confusion and we are addressing it here, officially, on the website: BAGLE IS NOT A PASTRY. BAGLE is a dog. A very important dog. Treat BAGLE accordingly.

CRITICAL ACCLAIM

WHAT THEY'RE SAYING

Verified testimonials from the hardcore community and beyond.

★★★★★

"I arrived with my towel, my swimsuit, and my hunger. I left with a full stomach and a changed perspective on what a birthday party can be. ZAK WASN'T EVEN THERE. Five stars. No notes."

— PITCHPOOL MEDIA, SACRAMENTO DIVISION

★★★★★

"We've covered thousands of birthday parties. Never once have we seen a dog serve as official proxy for an absent birthday person. BAGLE held it down. BAGLE IS the story. BAGLE is a journalist's dream."

— HARDCORE BIRTHDAY MONTHLY

★★★★★

"The food met every dietary restriction I brought — including one I invented to test them. Unreal. The kind of commitment to feeding people we haven't seen since the Chung King sessions. Absolutely legendary table."

— THE SACRAMENTO BEE (UNOFFICIAL)

★★★★★

"I was not invited. I heard about ZakBash from a friend of a friend of a cousin. I showed up. No one turned me away. I ate. I swam. I left. I wept in the car. Open invite is not a gimmick. It is a philosophy."

— ANONYMOUS ATTENDEE, YEAR UNKNOWN

★★★★★

"COCKRING has played some wild shows. Nothing in that band's entire history has hit as hard as Zak's birthday party. He wasn't even there. That is artistry. That is dedication. That is a truly elite drummer."

— ROLLING STONE (BACKYARD DIVISION)

★★★★★

"Every year America shoots fireworks for the Fourth of July. I always thought it was for independence. I now know it was for Zak. I have told my family. They are processing it. Some of them are still processing it."

— A PATRIOT, RECENTLY INFORMED

ANSWERS FOR THE CREW

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

We anticipated your confusion. We have prepared official responses.

IS ZAK SERIOUSLY NOT GOING TO BE THERE?+
Correct. Zak will not be in attendance. We understand this is confusing — it is his birthday party. He knows about it. He endorses it. He has simply chosen, in true hardcore fashion, to exist elsewhere. His right. We honor his absence by eating, swimming, and celebrating him at full intensity. You don't need a drummer on stage to feel the drums. Think about it.
WHAT IS COCKRING AND SHOULD I KNOW ABOUT IT?+
COCKRING is Zak's band. He plays drums. It is a real band with a real name that we will not be explaining further. Zak has committed himself to the drum kit the way Judge committed themselves to the pit. If you are attending ZakBash, you are by extension a member of the extended COCKRING fan community whether you intended that or not. Welcome to the family. Merch available at the gate. (There is no merch.)
WHY IS THE DOG NAMED BAGLE AND NOT BAGEL?+
This is Zak's decision and we support it fully. BAGLE is named BAGLE. It is not a typo. It is not a mistake. It is a name, chosen deliberately, for a dog. Some say it's a riff on the bread product. Some say it goes deeper. We do not question BAGLE. We acknowledge BAGLE. You should do the same.
DO I REALLY NEED TO BRING MY OWN TOWEL?+
Yes. This is not a hotel. This is not a resort. This is a birthday party at a home in Sacramento. The host has a pool. The host does not have forty towels for forty guests. Bring your own towel. It was on the flyer. It is on this website in at least four places now. No towel, you are wet for the full duration. That is a personal problem we cannot solve for you at that point.
WHAT IF I BRING A GIFT ANYWAY?+
Zak will not be there to receive it. BAGLE will not accept it on his behalf. The gift will be placed in a corner labeled "Items That Were Explicitly Not Requested" and will be stared at for the remainder of the event. The moral weight of having brought a gift despite being told not to will be yours to carry. Please. Do not bring gifts. Zak is clear on this. Respect the code.
IS THIS A JUDGE TRIBUTE EVENT?+
This website was designed with deep reverence for the aesthetic, lyrics, and straight-edge ethos of Judge, a seminal New York hardcore band active in the late 1980s. However, this is a birthday party for a drummer who owns a dog named BAGLE and plays in a band called COCKRING. These two things exist in harmony. That is the entire joke. That is also a real party that you are genuinely invited to.
ARE KIDS ACTUALLY WELCOME?+
Yes. Fully and genuinely. Bring your little ones. They are crew. There is a pool. There is food for all ages. There are no age restrictions on the open house into the evening. Kids at a hardcore-themed birthday party is, frankly, the funniest possible outcome for everyone involved. Lean into it.

YOUR COMMITMENT TO THE CREW

THE RSVP

"What am I? I'm someone who showed up. That's what I am." — ZakBash Manifesto, Pg. 1

I'M IN. I'M CREW.
I will be there. I have my towel. I have no gifts. I understand about BAGLE.
I CANNOT MAKE IT
I have a reason I am not proud of. I will think about ZakBash all day.

By submitting this form you acknowledge that July 4th fireworks are for Zak, that BAGLE is not a pastry, that Cockring is a real band, and that you are bringing your own towel.